Am I A Good Mom?
Updated: Jun 12, 2019
Negative self-talk when it comes to my parenting abilities...
I’ve been criticizing myself a lot lately. Judging myself and questioning my ability to balance motherhood, my career, my marriage, friendships, and basic life responsibilities. Following Mother’s Day weekend, I’ve been questioning my parenting abilities more than usual… Do I really deserve these gifts, or any praise at all? I’m not half as great as those other moms out there.
“Am I a good mom?” I keep asking myself… "Am I doing this right? Am I doing the best I can?" I spend more time at work than I do with my kid, he doesn't eat all the healthiest foods, he isn’t on a tee ball team (or any team at that), and he can't yet write his name on his own. Most nights when I come home from work my husband takes care of bed time because I am so drained. Most of the time when we watch movies together I’m staring at my phone. I don’t take him to museums and do arts and crafts every weekend. WHAT KIND OF MONSTER MOTHER AM I?! (I am not kidding, I do have days where I ask myself this. I'm not the only one, right?)
When you love someone as much as a mother loves her child (and holy sh*t do I love that kid), a certain kind of heartbreak sets in when you feel like you’re failing them. I feel this heartbreak, a lot.
Last night – John had a sleepover in bed with mama while my husband drove up to Orlando to pick my sister up from the airport (bless his heart). John and I told each other stories and kissed each other goodnight. As he drifted off to sleep, I stared at him for a good long while. “Am I a good mom?” I asked myself for the 100th time this week.
Then I started a mental inventory, as my high strung analytical brain often does . . . My kid is HAPPY, he is kind, he has a great sense of humor, he loves music and most of all he loves meeting new people and making new friends. He plays nicely with others, he has an incredible imagination, and he cares deeply for animals. As I went through the millions of amazing things about this child in my mind, I questioned how he could end up this way with a Monster Mother like me. “Well, he does have a pretty amazing father,” I thought to myself, giving my husband all the credit.
After a while of this mental self-torture, I realized something - MY version of a “good Mom” doesn't have to look like anyone else’s. MY version of a “good Mom” is just what my baby needs. The proof is in the pudding, I have an AMAZING kid! Could I do better? Sure, We all can. But I am NOT failing this boy (phew)! He is HAPPY, he feels safe, he loves his parents and the world around him.
And doesn’t the fact that I CARE enough to worry whether I’m a “good Mom” or not, mean I’m doing something right already? It sure as hell does.
So, for all the Mamas who feel this worry too - Who ask themselves, “Am I a good Mom?” Remember, the very fact that you ask yourself this question means you are one already. Your version of a “good Mom”- is just what your babies need.
Keep it crazy. Make it beautiful. xx, Gigi